Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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