It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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