3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
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