Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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