i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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