No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
