Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
