Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
