when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
