I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
