I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
