Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
