FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
