I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
