I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
