If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
