D3 body, D1 cock
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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