Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
