I am in a vortex of obligation.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize