Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
