Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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