If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
