im about as happy as oj after his trial
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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