I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
