...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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