im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize