So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
