you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
