I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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