I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
