So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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