Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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