Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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