i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
