you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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