I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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