i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
