I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
