i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize