We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
