I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
And then he peed in my hair
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