Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize