You don't have asthma, your pregnant
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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