I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
