when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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