Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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