I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
