It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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