i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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