and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Mom said you looked used
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
