and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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