Only a mothe r could love this liver
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
