Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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