no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
