I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
