I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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