Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
