FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
