Sponge bath it is.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize