come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i drank out of a bidet.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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