Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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