yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
