I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
