Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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