At least make sure they are 18
Why
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
