Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize