just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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