I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
