What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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