I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
