Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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