He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
