do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
