the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
