cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
where are my eyebrows?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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