Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
