You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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