i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
