I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
