What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
