May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
