Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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