Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well I just put wine in my tea
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
