Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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