tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
