I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
