your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
