in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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