it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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