I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
