bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize